Rambling!

I'm reading Ephesians 1. It first talks about how much God loves us, even before He created the world; and how he's had plans for us to be in Christ all along.

Affirming.

I've struggled with God's love these last few months. I feel I've lost touch with being able to believe and receive it. Why do I fear God doesn't love forever?

I know God speaks. I just don't know how. But reading this passage, I got a sense that God was saying, I loved you before I created the world, so what on earth makes you think I'd stop now?

Silly girl. :)

This song means a lot to me right now because of this.

Anyway, onto the rest of Ephesians 1. Paul transitions from God's love and kindness into how He shows us his plans.

"He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ - everything in heaven and earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan." (v. 8-11)

God will bring everything back to himself. That's his plan.

Whenever I hear the word plan or anything like it, I get in this weird mode where I think about how it can pertain to me. Oh God is talking about plans! I should listen up so I can apply them to my life! But this passage somewhat stops me in my tracks. His plan is huge, but simple. It doesn't really involve internships or a 10 year plan. So do all my detailed plans really matter? I know the little things contribute to the big picture, and one thing leads to another, guiding you to end up where you're meant to be (is "meant" even the right word?). But why the detailed paths? Does it matter whether I take this job or that? Whether I go to this school or that one?

Maybe not. The point is to draw near to God! To be in relationship with Him! To be part of the restoration of his kingdom (goodness there could be pages and pages written about what that means ... )!

I was skimming through a book a friend of mine owns, and I read something in it that changed my mindset (and thank God for that). The author says that the most important task is not what you do, but who you become; and that your life is God's project. Maybe it's not so much about what kind of career I have (although it's right for me to do something I love), but the kind of character I build within myself. I think our main focus in life is misplaced. We think about where we're going and what we'll do with our lives. These are good foci, but not the point.

My eyes have been opened to taking advantage of opportunities to become a better person, a more complete version of myself. I think it's safe to say that our acts of service are most important to building our selflessness. Our commitment to God in quiet times is not to build discipline as much as it is to build ourselves more in the likeness of God. We ask God to make us better people; well I believe He gives us opportunities to build ourselves as such rather than just changing our character.

This frees me.