So as I said before, this was Randy Parizeau's week to speak. He has a special place in this base's heart because he was both Jamie and Kim's leader at YWAM Vancouver. He really didn't have a topic at first because he never stays on it anyway, but he came up with the title "Conversations about Jesus." I loved his teaching style - it was all conversation based. It was free and flexible to go wherever. Rock on.

We had started the week talking about who Jesus is - how the world sees Him and how we do. We followed that up on Wednesday with Gospel Road, a movie about Jesus' life from the perspective of Johnny Cash. I liked it at first - I got past how cheesy it was. But I think his way of portraying Jesus is little like how I view Jesus. I saw distance. Jesus was there, with His disciples and such, but he wasn't really there. There was a scene everyone liked where Jesus is playing with a bunch of kids. But I still felt like Jesus was distant! Oof.

And then there was disagreement on the crucifixion. I had a hard time with how clean Jesus was. I have very interest thoughts in that I believe Jesus took on not only our sins, but our illnesses too. The end of Isaiah 52 into Isaiah 53 describes what He took on and I can't help but ignore that He may have taken on cancer, leprosy, anything that ails us.

Isaiah 52:14 , 53:3-5, 10

New Living Translation:
14 But many were amazed when they saw him. His face was so disfigured he seemed hardly human, and from his appearance, one would scarcely know he was a man.
3 He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!
[Footnote for v. 4: Or Yet it was our sicknesses he carried; / it was our diseases.]
5 But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.
10 But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands.

Amplified version:
14 [For many the Servant of God became an object of horror; many were astonished at Him.] His face and His whole appearance were marred more than any man's, and His form beyond that of the sons of men--but just as many were astonished at Him,
3 He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and like One from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him.
4 Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy].
5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.
10 Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief and made Him sick. When You and He make His life an offering for sin [and He has risen from the dead, in time to come], He shall see His [spiritual] offspring, He shall prolong His days, and the will and pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand.

What gets me is, why did He seem hardly human? I think if someone is beaten, even if beyond any other person in all of history, people would still recognize Him as a person, Maybe... there was more to it than flogging, ripping, nailing. Was His body marred also by the illnesses that we endure?

Especially since none of His bones were broken (Exodus 12:46, Psalm 34:20, Numbers 9:12, John 19:31-37).

And a few times, it speaks of sickness, illness, God made Him sick.

But then I'm thinking... what if it's just a metaphor?

Ok... temporarily moving on...

Get ready for a piece of my heart.

Two posts ago, I mentioned the Myers-Briggs results - INFJ. I've been gaining more insight into myself and getting to know and understand myself better. But when I looked forward and imagined getting to know myself, I thought it would be easier.

INFJ's tend to be very internalized. "[INFJ's] can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except for with those they feel closest to and safest with. They are highly private people, which an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJ's are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them." GAH! So true but I hate it! And I'm finding that there are so many different factors contributing to it. (a) Whenever someone else is talking, I see it as their time to tell a story or just talk. I tend to only assert myself to elaborate what they're saying in order to show that I'm listening and fully understand. I value being heard, so I try to listen well to other people. (b) sometimes I have a hard time being honest with myself or understanding myself. I'll feel or react a certain way and then ask myself - why did I do that? Where did that come from? And then I feel I have to go away by myself to process it in my head. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but Kim had a good point in telling me that she wants the raw emotion, not the neatly packaged and prepared version. Do I really need to be able to explain my emotions? What's wrong with saying "I'm angry" or "That makes me upset" without being able to explain why?

Basically? I've made a habit on internalizing - and now I'm going against the grain in what feels natural to me in order to come out of that a little bit. I don't think internalizing is a bad thing. But when it's all you do?

Friday was Kern Cookie Day. For those of you who don't know the Kern traditions, the day after Thanksgiving every year, we all head over to grandma's house to back a BUNCH of Christmas cookies - it gets up around 200 dozen! Cutouts, spritz, apple cinnamon cookies, kiss cookies, root beer cookies... mmm this must be what heaven is like. Since I missed Kern Cookie Day this year, a few of us baked Christmas cookies here!! We called it "Ginkerworth-Ricci Cookie Day." Ha - a lot of names to combine. We made kiss cookies and rolo cookies (mmm so good, I may have to bring that recipe back to Kern Cookie Day next year).

FYI - this week is Mission Adventures week. During the summer when YWAM Winnipeg has youth groups and such come for week-long mission trips, it's called the Mission Adventures program. So this week we'll be staying at a church in the West End and serving around the community. In other words, I won't be able to update this week - tune in next weekend! : )

Things you guys can pray for:

Fatigue! I'm pretty tired and I know I'm not the only one. It's really hard to find the balance between rest and play - I want to spend as much time as I can with everyone, but I also need sleep!!

Outreach. We are beginning to be overwhelmed by the things we have to do when we go to Uganda. They are all very good things, but we are already feeling very stretched even though we haven't gone yet. We may have to lead bible studies and church services. It's difficult because I've been setting myself up for humbly receiving the Ugandan culture. I don't know that I even understand how they worship. It seems a world away and I feel like an ignorant American. Pray that we gain confidence in how we know God and how we can share that with others. That God shows us how He wants to use us and what we're supposed to say!

Mission Adventures week. That we see and understand and are opened to more of the community. That we don't grow tired in it - it's a packed week. That we are ruined by it.

(Apologies if this post was too intense for you)