Saturday, February 21, 2009

Reflecting...

Reflecting.

Or at least attempting.

I know (and hope) you are going to ask me about Africa. But I want to request something of you before you do.

Be patient with me.

I'm one who knows she isn't the greatest with words. I don't think putting outreach into words is even a possibility at this point. It's too big, too much, too holistic and too profound. I think I've done a pretty good job telling weekly on here, but to fully embody... oof, it's just too much. I think this blog has been more of a telling of events and immediate responses than of lessons learned. Be patient if I haven't processed or reflected on a certain part when you ask me a question.

What did that mean?
What do I think about that?
How did that really affect me?
What am I going to let that teach me?
What now?

I have so much to think about now. I understand that when I'm telling you something face-to-face you may not get as excited or passionate as I do. You weren't with me in Uganda or maybe you've never even been to Africa. It would be unfair to expect you to understand everything. So I don't expect that from you. I'll be patient with you, and promise me you'll do the same for me.

And if I word vomit on you, I promise I'll try to clean it up. LoL.

The stories may come out slowly. I want the telling of my experience to be slow. Natural. A conversation even. As I think of them.

Another thing - please don't ask if you don't want to know.

I don't want "How was Africa?" to be like the way "How are you?" is these days. Be sincere when you ask. Or don't ask. It's ok if you don't. I was prepared for this by Fishy, one of the leaders at the YWAM Jinja base. She's from the UK and whenever she goes home, she finds that people will ask, but will turn off or zone out after a minute. I don't expect to talk your ear off (unless you really want me to) or bore you (Africa? Boring?). But trust that I will speak if you ask. I will speak. I will tell. And if my words fall on deaf ears, I will be hurt. I'm trying to prepare myself for that happening, trying to get ready for it. Because it could happen. Despite my attempts to prepare myself, it will still sting. Be honest with me. If you don't want to know, aren't that interested, I understand. Let's be honest with each other.

When do you ask "How was Africa?" I may only say "Good. Really good." I'm sorry if this is not enough. It will be hard for me to know what else to say. So think about what you really want to know. Like I said, I will tell you. But I can't say it all. Especially when I don't know what you want to know about. I don't think my Ugandan experience is for me alone. I want what I say to be for you, too. God can make this go SO far.

Go tell it on the mountain...
And thanks for reading. Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a screen. But I've gotten a lot of feedback, so I know you're out there (LoL)!! You have all been very supportive and throughout DTS, it was so encouraging and uplifting. Thank you.
I plan to still post. Probably not as often, or as exciting I guess you could say. Just updates on me and stuff I'm thinking about. Things God is challenging me with and new revelations on where I'm going in life. So I'll be here and you're always welcome to keep on readin'!

So DTS is winding down. Just this morning, Mike, Jas, and Carolyn headed out. Oof, the initial sting of that is intense. I miss them so much already. But I realize that this last week of debreif was perfect. Full of laughter. And good moments.

For example...

Mike, Carolyn and I decided that we didn't need the whole of Wednesday afternoon to get ready for the banquet/graduation that night. So we went out on the town!! We headed downtown to Starbucks. We had had a discussion during outreach about which drink at Starbucks I would choose for each person on our team. We made some pretty detailed drinks in our minds. The one I picked for Mike was the Java Chip Frappuccino (can I get an AMEN?!), so we bought a venti and sipped on it. We just enjoyed each other. Laughed. Played. It was what I needed. Then we ran around downtown for a bit and headed home. On our way, we were walking along Portage (one of the busiest streets in W'peg) and our arms were all linked. Mike kept kicking me in the bum, so I finally stuck my leg up under his ankle (I'm praying that this word illustration makes any bit of sense) in order to make him stumble a little. But since he had big boots on, he put his leg down, trapping my ankle in between his. Then we wiped out. Biffed it. Fell right over in the most ungraceful way. Ha!! When things like that happen, I need to linger and laugh my butt off because of how FUNNY it is, even if I'm laying on the ground. Since I was on Mike's legs, he was trapped. So we just laid on the sidewalk, laughing SO hard. Carolyn didn't go down with us (I'm not really sure how - she's a clutz!!) and just stood there laughing at us. Yup - lots of people saw, especially because hysterical laughter tends to draw attention. So funny. Good, lasting memory.

This week has just affirmed how amazing each of these people are. We're all so different, but it fits. Yeah, we clashed sometimes. But the way we complemented each other was even greater. The way we challenged each other to be better people was even greater. I have been so unbelieveably blessed by this family these last five months, and I will never forget it. Pretty sure part of me is with each person. That's why it's so hard to leave and why I've been an emotional basketcase all morning.

Carolyn, Jas, Mike, Crystal, Devon, Jamie, Kim, Michelle, Lindsey, Brennie. I love you all so much. I'll see you soon. Know how great I think you are.


Lastly, a video that Jas put together of lecture phase stuff. It is amazing. Check it out --- and if you have access to facebook, there's an even better version on there.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

We miss you already! Remember, people will not always take the advice that you have given here, but have patience, grace and love for them. It will be a bumpy transition back at first, but you will make it!

Peace,
Jamie
www.missional.ca