DOOD.

Warning: there are KILLER BEES in South Central Wisconsin.

Well ... that's what my coworker walked into work saying today. He told me he's seen these GIANT bees since he got to Madison three years ago, but no one's believed him. So naturally, since the sighting was in bushes just down the hill from us, we decided to go get one.

It was intriguing. And so scary.

I thought they were small birds. I could tell from VERY far away that these bees (wasps actually, as we found out later) were GINORMOUS. A few made a beeline near our faces and my life flashed before my eyes. We, uh, kind of disrupted parking lot traffic trying to get away, much to the amusement of the drivers.

Oh it was horrifying, but we had to get us a dang WASP! My coworker swung left and right with a net while I kept a safe distance. I mean ... uh ... I valiantly helped him!

When he snagged one (not the biggest, but satisfying enough given we're both allergic), I swooped in with a plastic jar and we slowly but surely got our catch.

The wasp frightened us all the way back up to our lab. Buzzing, flailing, FREAKING OUT. We were safely on the other side of the plastic, but can plastic really hold a vicious, cicada eating KILLER?!

Yes ... yes, it can. But you never know.

Upon further research (oh, we're so scholarly), we found that this wasp is called a "cicada killer." Yeah they EAT cicadas. No big deal. These wasps can grow to over an inch and a half. Want that to sting you? Yup, me neither. That's why I hunt them ...

By the way, ours is named Killer.

Help me out!

I read over the 25th proverb the other day, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what verse 28 means:

A person without self-control

is like a city with broken-down walls. (NLT)

I'm not sure reading a proverb contextually really does much, and I've tried to contemplate this verse to figure out the imagery ... but ... I'm lost.

Tell me what you think!!

Just to Post

I am really tired.

I started work in a Zoology lab here on campus. We work with aphids. What's an aphid, you ask? Well I didn't know either. But here you go ...

Say hello to sap-sucking "tree lice." I love 'em already.

I desire community. I need it. I need it I need it.

I get to go to camp in two weeks. And I am so utterly excited. You know why? Because I feel that is my place to belong. It's a place I fit in. Where people know me. And I can be real. Because realness takes a ridiculously long time for me. And sometimes realness requires that people ask the right questions. And the right questions require actually knowing a person.

Today I went to church, per usual. I saw community, but did not feel I was a part. It's too soon. Not for me to let go and allow it (ok, maybe a little bit), but for relationships to develop.

This community is amazing. They passed their babies around during the service. They commemorated a member's mother's death a year ago by singing and praying for her soul. They cheered and celebrated with the announcement of a first-time expecting mother. So beautiful.

They simply don't know me, and I don't know them. Honestly, today was a hard day. But something of massive size keeps me from opening up about it. At least this early. I was asked a few times how I am. And I lied. I said good.

Until a man I've only had small talk with approached me to ask me how my first week without Curt is going.

He asked the right question because he knew that part of me.

And because of this, I was able to open up a bit. Of course, I didn't fall into his arms weeping. But was honest about how difficult the first week is and why. He understood, but he didn't get awkward. He maintained his joy. I knew his joyful spirit before I knew his name. I don't think he knows how much that small question and that ounce of joy meant to me. Maybe I'll tell him someday. : )

Sigh, community. At the speed you require to develop, I will still wait for you.

Bring those Burdens

I'm reading through a few booklets on Orthodoxy (cute, I know). And today I tackled Practical Prayer, an interview with Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh. Besides being a really wise man, he mentioned something that I thought was really cool.

The interviewer asked about the hectic lifestyle of many Westerners and how it interferes with a prayerful life. I thought he'd respond with a challenge to get rid of all distractions and make our lives more simple! But he took a different approach.

"Very often people say, 'I would like to pray undistractedly, and yet concerns press upon me.' Why push the concerns out? Very often they are God's concerns, more than ours.

"Before we try to be with God in serenity and peace and stillness, we should turn to Him and say, 'Lord here are a few things that worry and torment me.' Someone's illness, someone's enmity of mind, even small things like the worry of a child preparing for an exam - there is nothing too small for God. Present the whole thing to God in detail, saying everything that you've got to say. And then make an act of faith, and say to God, 'I have put it in Your hands, I will now leave it in Your hands for a short while.'

"You can add, if you are honest, 'I don't think that I'll be able to leave it for long, because I don't trust You enough. I will take it back because I feel in my worry this problem is more central, perhaps, than You do.' (You will discover later that this is not true, but still we must often start that way.) And then once you have given it to God, say, 'Now Lord, let us be together for a short while.'

"You would do precisely the same thing, would you not, with a wife or a friend. You would come loaded with worry, and you couldn't simply enjoy the company, the happiness of being together. You would first say, 'Oh, I've had such a heavy day,' and tell your wife or your mother or your friend of the worry of the day. Having unburdened yourself you could then sit back and say, 'Ah, how lovely it is to be together.'"

I sometimes fall into a rut of saying what I think should be said to God instead of my reality. My concerns stay concerns because I think they're too small. Goodness, why would I bother the God of the universe with the subtleties of life? I remember His massiveness, but neglect His desire to sweat the details. I don't think this allows us to dwell on the things that don't matter, but to give the small things to God, take care of them in any way we can, and get over them.

So unburden yourself. And do it to God. Then you can enjoy Him.

My Guy

I want to tell you about the person I am proud of most. His name is Curtis Gaynor and we've been close for 10 whole years. He still blows me away with what an amazing man he's become. I get to see many sides of him and am honored to be dating him.

We've been long distance, but now there's a new twist on things. Today, we said goodbye for the 143rd time (or so it seems). But this time, he's off to Japan to serve as an ensign officer in the Navy. In part, I cope by bragging about him. It gives me back the perspective of why he has to be gone. I have a selfish side that wants him with me always. But I wouldn't have our lives be any other way. I'm too proud of his adventures.

He's been in ROTC at the University of Michigan for the past 4 years. It has really matured him beyond his high school days. He's had the opportunity to serve in various leadership roles, ending as the XO (executive officer, 2nd in command) for his battalion. I rarely got to see him in action, but he tells me his leadership philosophies and they are fantastic.

At the beginning of May, he was commissioned by president Obama himself, handed off the baton to his minors, and got his first salute.

Oh and he received a sword for outstanding leadership. No big deal. : P

Curt's a great dancer. He took a ballroom class at school and loved it, so he invested himself in learning swing. This past week, we went out dancing twice and got complimented a ton. I tell people it's all him; I just follow a great lead. We went out to Diamondback Saloon in Belleville, MI, and the lead singer of their house band approached us to tell us how cute we were dancing. Ha.

I am also proud of his chivalry. Oh it is not dead. I have proof. When I'm with him, I never have to open a door, not because I am unable, but because I'm a beautiful woman and should be treated with the utmost care. I'm also not allowed to forget how beautiful I am. I couldn't, with someone telling me every 5 minutes.

Curtis is the biggest goofball. For how mature he is, he never takes himself too seriously.

Senior prom.

He wouldn't stop blowing on my neck until I agreed to mess up a formal picture with him.

Yup, that would be an entire cupcake going into his mouth ...

He connects well with people. He just does. Any kind of person. In a group, Curt will talk to the person he knows the least until he knows all about them. He pursues people like it's his job, and truly finds joy in it.

Like me, Curt's a dreamer. We fit together well because we're both ambitious - but I dream the dreams and he thinks of the practicalities of how to make them a reality.

And most important, Curt loves God. In 7th grade, he was the one who showed me who God really is and inspired me to pursue relationship with Him. Curt's life has been one of pursuing God and pursuing true Church. His faith is unlike any other that I've seen.

All these words are nothing compared to experiencing him. So I hope someday you'll get to meet Curt. He's memorable by his character and his charisma; and you'll be glad to know him.

The Shout House

I was in Minneapolis last week and hit up the Shout House, a dueling piano bar downtown.

It was amazing. They have two very rustic grand pianos set up for their oh-so-talented pianists to perform on. You make a request, they play your song.

They performed The Devil Went Down to Georgia, and I think I stopped breathing. I was absolutely STUNNED by the way they performed it. Their hands were fluttering. By the end of it, my jaw was dropped, my hands were on my head, and I was helplessly stunned. Just in time for the soloist to look straight at me. Ha, well at least he knows how well he did. Awesome, amazing; but don't take my word for it, check out the link.